04 Nov 2014

Monetizing my Daughter: A Modest Proposal

in Business, Currency, Deep Wealth, Incentives, Moral, Satire

a baby girlWhen I graduated from business school I realized how poorly I’d been applying the important profit-producing principles of business to all areas of my life. I vowed to change that once and for all. So I’m going to start by maximizing the return on investment in my daughter.

I quickly ruled out some of the more obvious business models regarding her sexuality. Although there’s certainly market demand, she’s just too young -- I need my ROI much sooner than she will reach sexual maturity, and I have no talent for pornography. Others have found some innovative models, like auctioning your virginity on eBay, but surely that market will be saturated by the time she’s of legal age.